Machete FTW!

Here in my little slice of America, we've been having a lot of problems with centipedes lately. I've killed nearly two dozen this month alone. Today, I encountered the fiercest, baddest, meanest centipede I've ever seen. I went out to the garage to get a suitcase, which we store on a big plastic rack thing. It's got three shelves, one on the floor, one in the middle, one on top.

I was looking for the suitcase I needed, when I looked down near my foot. I saw a centipede that was easily seven inches long, a half inch thick, and real hairy. I immediately jumped back, and he did not respond. I grabbed my handy-dandy unsharpened machete, and swung! I cut the bugger in two. That pissed him off. One half began writhing away at extreme speed, while the other end jumped up at me! I instinctively swung at the jumping section with my machete, launching across the garage and out the garage door. I began to look around for the other half, and realized he had crawled under the shelving. My mother, at this point, ran out into the garage because I had apparently been screaming "GET SOME!" when I attacked the centipede. When I told her what was happening, she threw me a can of roach repellent (all we had on hand) and I began spraying it under the shelving. I waited for about five minutes, watching the shelving, and nothing happened, so I went back in the house.

Then, I realized I had forgotten to grab a suitcase. So, I ventured back into the garage, machete in hand. I stepped up to the shelving, reached out to grab a suitcase, and felt something move by my foot. Yeah, you know exactly what it was. I moved my foot away and brought the hard bottom of the suitcase down on the centipede. He began flailing around, trying to do something. I continued hitting him with the suitcase until he stopped moving. I then took a step away to look at him and to make sure he was dead. Unbelievably, the little half-centipede I will now refer to as Lazarus began crawling towards the garage door. I admired the little guy, so I whacked him out of the garage with my machete. Rest In Pieces, Lazarus.

Any of you have any crazy ass stories like that, or just stories about encountering things that creep you out? Share 'em!

I have a less funny story

we have a basketball hoop by our drive way, it has this little plastic thing on the bottom of it that free twists. so one time(month ago) I was bored and hit it with my foot. at least 30 earwigs came out for my mothers van. I also screamed 'get some' only a little more quiet than you jarhead. now we don't have any bug spray, so I descovered a way to get them out, twirl the little plastic thing like a hoolahoop (or whatever you call it) and every time it went 40 came out 30 came out 20 came and so on untill they all were gone.

skip ahead to yesterday and I decided to check my work. there were still 40-60 that came back. I am preparing an all out assult with my little cousin today, we will destroy their will and take the base(MW2 comedy)

I have a llama doll in my room that likes to move around my room when im not looking. It is made out of real llama parts... its kinda creepy...

Just an hour ago actully, i was help a frind weed-whack around his parents barn that is used for storage. Apon see the back there was a honey-dew mellon size wasp nest on a tree. We had a few choices, use the weed-wacker, rocks or brake cleaner and a lighter.........so, after we consulted his dad and got the ok, he put on one of thise huge leather suits made for weldinga nd grinding we found in side as well as a face shild. I sprayed a stick and the hive with the cleaner (the hive was DRIPPING with cleaner, they were pissed.._) and he started the wacker and cut the thing in have, out came a CLOUD of them you could hardly see through em all! at that point i touched the now buring stick on the hive and.....poof. no more wasp nest.

In the process of coating the hive a bunch of wasps were coated too, so we have a fire ball in his yard and are now being chased by hundreds of flaming, pissed off hornets......they died about 50 feet later.

Mgunner and Jarhead's stories are the best! Hahaha

Sadface

But I agree

Haha I totally skipped yours, Sno! I didn't think it was a story. But that is super creepy, I think you should throw it in an incinerator before it grows a brain.

DrummerBoyz95 wrote:

Haha I totally skipped yours, Sno! I didn't think it was a story. But that is super creepy, I think you should throw it in an incinerator before it grows a brain.

I was just kidding about caring, but it already has a brain. im sure of it.

In that case you should have thrown it in an incinerator years ago.

DrummerBoyz95 wrote:

In that case you should have thrown it in an incinerator years ago.

Every time I think to, it moves, and I forget again. I named it Lucifer.

reminds me of the tellibani doll we had as kids it swore! litterally swore at me said F*** F****** bite my ****

As a child my parents used to set me lose on a farm with a old rusty machete and told me to go catch the butterflies.....great memories!

Talibani doll!? You mean telletubby?

Holy Nads jarhead how big are centipedes out there?

oh dude, you wouldn't believe how big centipedes get. we have a picture of one with a mesuring tape next to it. it's about eight and a half inches long. they're pretty common around my house. big, black, red and evil purple, heavy and butt ugly. anyways, here's my bug story.

every year my grandparents take my, my siblings and my cousin camping. last year we went to a lake where they have a waterhole that's got large pretty steep rock faces on either side. at the back of the waterhole (it's big) is a waterfall. so we decided to walk along the rock faces back to the waterfall. i'd been there the week before with a couple friends and we had found a wasp nest under a little overhang (breckton got stung ). so I warned the other three about it.

well my cousin forgot. all I heard was screaming and when I turned around to see what was going on I couldn't see his back it was so covered with wasps. they stung him seven or eight times before we finally managed to shoo them off. then we went back to our campsite, he took a couple benadryl and slept the rest of the day.

wow, my story seems tame compared to jarhead's and mgunner's. lol!

well, me managed to burn half the tree down.....it was worth it.....