Rapunzel (Horror Story By Creed) Chapter 3

Chapter 3
Rick had just gotten in his car when he heard what sounded like more gun shots. “Those are close.” He thought.
He ignored every urge in his body to go and look for the survivor and drove west toward Fort Winfield Scott.
Only about ten minutes after he had started he came across the Palace of Fine Arts. He wondered if there were any of the “fine art” inside, or if they had all been looted or locked away.
Rick wanted to take his daughter so badly, and the temptation ate his mind. He scanned the large u-shaped parking lot for any signs of infected, then pulled up.
He parked his large SUV and got out cautiously. Quietly then took his daughter out of the car next, and latched a “child leash,” as he called them, onto her back.
“Stay close to me, ok Sarah?” He told his daughter. A single nod of her head sufficed as an answer.
“Why am I being so stupid!?!” Rick Asked himself. “I should not be taking this risk!”
Although despite all of his senses telling him not to, he jogged to the entrance with his daughter at his side.
The entrance didn’t have any types of locks, so he proceeded inside. Walking through the entrance he could see the beautiful scenery.
But then a flash in the corner of his eye make him do a double take. There was five “monsters” that ran, not walked slowly like they normally did, but ran at him!
He drew his magnum, cocked it back and shot one straight in the head, sending rotting brain backwards from its body.
“One”
“Two”
But the other 3 infected got too close, so he ran. Even with his daughter in his arms he could out run them, they were still slow, but the recent development was disturbing.
Rick ran behind one of the stone columns and shot out from behind them with his daughter still in his arms. Sarah screamed louder than Rick had ever heard her scream before.
“Three”
“Four”
One infected was still alive, and Rick had two shells. He peered back around the corner, but the “monster” was no where to be seen. He stepped out and reloaded.
“Baahm!” was the last sound Rick heard before he was knocked over by the infected that had jumped on him.
He punched at it violently, and eventually made it move just enough so he could push it off of him.
Rick dove for his revolver. The infected was momentarily dazed, but it had started to recover. He picked up his revolver and shot at it three times, and on the third, hit it in the chest.
The pale faced, growling and all together repulsive shell of a human toppled over and with a few fast, ragged breaths, died.
Where was Sarah? “Sarah, Sarah!” Rick screamed.
He looked frantically around the whole area, but finally found her huddled in a corner crying. He picked up his little girl and whispered; “Its fine, daddies here.”
He glanced back and almost spit at his disgust, mostly for himself.
Rick walked back to the car, but only to find a horde of at least twenty “monsters” all converging on his SUV.
He broke into a sprint with his daughter in his arms, and reached his car just two seconds before the infected did.
Throwing Sarah into the passenger seat, he put in the keys and drove as fast as he could out of the parking lot, still with an infected hanging from his open door.

Here is the full story:http://www.booksie.com/horror/novel/pierce_/escape-from-san-francisco

I noticed one tiny little mistake. You say that Rick had only two rounds left in the magnum, but he then fires three

Yes but I also said he reloaded...

Oh, okay, missed that, haha. I like it, Creed. You have an excellent writing style, and I look forward to buying this story at a book store!

Also, that link you posted for the full story doesn't go anywhere. I mean, it goes to the website, but there's no story to be found

I found the story, its good, but Its a little short, you could definately make it much longer and it also isn't very discriptive. Use some cool words in it, and maybe find another word for "Monster"