funny story

So I read a web comic and the artist posted this little story earlier..funniest thing ive read in a while so I figure id share

Quote :

A couple of weeks (or so) ago, my phone rang. I picked it up to hear a recording of a very excited man congratulating me for winning a trip to Cancun! All I had to do was push 1 to claim my prize.

Now, of course I knew that this was a telemarketing deal and by pushing 1, I was inviting a salesperson to try their best to ram a pricey vacation package down my throat then reach up my ass and pull out a commission.

I had some fun with that guy by pretending to be a complete moron who was jumping up and down, convinced that I was going to Cancun for free. I made it as difficult as possible for the salesman to break the soul-shattering news to my dumb persona by telling him how I'd never won anything in my life and that this was "the best thing that has ever happened to me". When the salesman explained that I hadn't actually won anything, but their promotional deal was "so great it was almost like winning", I made sure to not understand what he meant and prolong the awkwardness for as long as possible.

"Well yeah, but I don't need that promotion though right? Because I won a trip to Cancun!"

"Well Sir, right now we're offering..."

"Are you calling from Cancun? Are you there now? Did you win a contest too?!"

"Well, we're offering to treat you like royalty for a week for one low price and..."

"I've been so sad lately and this just changes my life! I'm literally doing the Snoopy dance right now!" I wasn't.

In the interest of believability, I eventually began to show signs of comprehension caked in bitter disappointment. Although the salesman seemed to believe my reactions were true, he really didn't seem to give a crap that he'd stepped on my smiling face and crushed what I'd claimed to be the greatest moment in my life.

"So... so I didn't win anything?"

"Well, our promotion is so good, it's like winning." He kept saying that. I'm pretty sure it was written on a piece of paper that was stuck to his cubicle wall with a hunting knife stabbed through it.

"So I... I lose?"

"No Sir, we're ready to offer you $2,500 off of our amazing package right now. It's a great deal and available for a very limited time."

"Well that actually does sound like a great deal. Would I be able to purchase the package from you over the phone with my credit card?"

"Yes Sir, I can do that for you, no problem."

"Would I be able to pay the full amount right away or do I have to pay in payments?"

"Oh no, a full payment is very easy to do. I can arrange that for you right away if you like."

"Oh that's great because I really want to buy this trip. You've definitely made a sale. Well... actually it's like you've made a sale, but it's really just me telling you to "Watch your language" off."

That's where I ended the call. Usually after I've had my fun with telemarketers (remember, it's not a prank call if they call you) I tell them to put me in the 'do not call' list. Apparently, by law, they have to do this. However, I forgot to tell Mr. Cancun to put me on such a list which led to...

THUNT VS CANCUN PART II

Today I got another call from that happy recording, telling me that I'd won a trip to Cancun! ... Again!

I sighed and pressed 1 to claim my prize. Soon I was talking to a lovely lady who asked how I was and began telling me about their amazing vacation deal.

"I won a trip to Cancun!" I interrupted with excitement.

"Actually no, I'm offering you a promotional deal worth $2,500..."

"Can I just have the cash?"

"What? No, it doesn't work that way. For a limited time, you can..."

"This is the second time I won! I mean Jesus Christ, what are the odds, right?"

"You didn't actually win anything." This lady was a bit more truthful about the whole deal.

"I disagree, I won a trip to Cancun. That's what the recording told me. Twice. So can I have both of my prizes converted to cash on one check or do I need to get two separate checks?"

At this point the lady seemed to have decided to play this call by the book. Maybe she thought she was being tested with a weird training call or something, but she refused to do anything other than read from her sales pitches that were no doubt tucked into the three-ring binder in front of her (by the way, I'll bet $50 that there are a minimum of two hearts doodled somewhere on that binder). No matter how bizarre I got, she kept reading her pitches word for word. Sometimes talking right over me. Eventually I got bored and...

"Look, I'll be honest with you. You're company called me up and tried to reel me in with a flimsy lie about winning a contest. It's pretty low." I waited for her response but was met with only silence until...

"The weather in Cancun has been beautiful and so this is a better time than ever to..."

"Are seriously still trying to sell me?"

"Look, this is my job."

"Well your job is lying to people, disappointing them, then using that to squeeze a sale out of them."

Silence.

"Sir, since you're still on the line I can only assume that you are interested in one of our vacation packages. Perhaps I can tell you about..."

At this point something glorious dawned on me and I swear to Don't use the Lord's name in vain. that I actually heard angels singing above me as the sun suddenly shone a bit brighter through my window. I had reached telemarketing Nirvana.

"Wait a second," I said "you... you're not allowed to hang up on me are you."

Silence.

"You can save $2,500 on..."

"You can't hang up on me! You have to hard sell me until you either make a sale or I hang up!"

Silence.

"Sir, since you're still on the line I can only assume that you are interested in one of our..."

"BAHAHAHAHA! This is awesome! What should I tell you about? Want me to describe my big toe to you? Because I may be interested in hearing about your Cancun package if you learn all about my big toe. You better not hang up on me because this vacation dealy is starting to sound pretty sweet."

Silence.

"...interested in one of our vacation packages. Perhaps I can tell you about our amazing..."

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if you swished with liquid paper? I always wondered if it'd make a thin, white, rubbery cast of the inside of my mouth."

"...perhaps I can tell you about our amazing package deal which includes..."


This sort of back and forth went on for over ten minutes until she eventually broke her company's rule and hung up the phone. I will remember this telemarketing call as my Magnum Opus of received telemarketing calls. Also, I have a weird urge to plan a trip to Cancun.

As always, thanks for reading.

Dude this is so epic Im going to do this next time one calls me!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!


That was great...almost as good as calling a stip club and asking ''Do you guys have big hooties?''




LOLOLOLOL

I wanna call a Bass and pro shop and ask them if they have a Master Baiter.

Ooh, tell me if this is low. What if they called saying you won a trip to Cancun, and you were all excited, then when they told you it was a promotion, you began to act all sad, culminating in a sound like a gunshot and then silence... would that be a little much?

No. They are blood-sucking-bottom-feeding telemarketers.....

Yeah they'd come to your funeral and ask anyone if they wanted to mourn your death in Cancun.

c0mr4d3 wrote:

Yeah they'd come to your funeral and ask anyone if they wanted to mourn your death in Cancun.

LAWL!

That was one of the best stories I've ever read. "I'll bet $50 that there was a minimum of two hearts doodled in that binder" hahaha

Yeah lol wait what binder?

Haha the person said the second telemarketer was probably reading from the sales pitch in her work binder. You know, a binder... the thing with metal rings that holds papers..

Oh yeah lol I get it now (sorry im a little slow today)

Slow... 90+ posts in one day is not slow haha...

No lol i meant in thinking wise and im whippin out these posts =)

c0mr4d3 wrote:

No lol i meant in thinking wise and im whippin out these posts =)

Might want to slow it down for the sake of everyone else

Ok can do but these forums are pretty awesome and im suuuuppppppeeeeerrrrrr bored i promise in a couple days it will come to about 20 posts a day maybe less

Dude, I logged on yesterday and thought the forum blew up, haha. There was a new post in just about every single topic.

But back to the topic, I love messing with the telemarketers. Have any of you ever answered the phone and begun talking like you're mentally retarded? That gets rid of the telemarketers right away.

One time I picked up the phone one time and i was pretending to chew on something then i pretended chocking when he said that he was here to give me a free credit card and then he HUNG up on me a chocking man!!!!
What if i was really chocking lol?

If you could make noise it means you could breath...so you were aight. And if it just went silent he figures you hung up...either way your sol.

Yeah fark i should of thought of that any ideas what i should do next time one calls?

c0mr4d3 wrote:

What if i was really chocking lol?

Then you would have died.... He's probably all the way across the country. Either that or some building in Iowa. He wouldn't be able to call 911 for you haha.

lllllllllllloooooooollllllll!!!!!
when i read this i laughed so hard i almost upchucked my guts
the same sort of thing happened to me..... but its a long story..

c0mr4d3 wrote:

Yeah fark i should of thought of that any ideas what i should do next time one calls?

play along and then when they want you to give them somthing or finally going to buy scream MAW I GOTS MA TRUCK BACK CAN I GO ANDZ DRIV TO CANCUNEAAAAAA (using the story from the beginning of the thread)

I like to use soundboards and make sex noises when they answer.....The best would be to go along with it for a little bit then scream IMA FIRIN MA LAZA!! then hang up....

@Insane
Here's one I did about a week or two ago.

Me: "I'm Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor! What's your name, Fatbody?"
Jeff: "I'm Jeff with (name withheld) calling about refinancing your home."
Me: "What have we got here, a f**king comedian?"
Jeff: "No, sir, I'm calling about refinancing your home."
Me: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
(silence)
Me: "Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and f**k my sister!"
Jeff: "Well, I'm honored, sir, but I'm just calling about refinancing your home."
Me: "You little scumbag! You're so ugly, you could be a modern art masterpiece! Do you suck dicks?"
Jeff: "No."
Me: "Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golf ball from a garden hose!"
Jeff: "Sir, I'm going to need to ask you to refrain from using profanity and vulgar terms when speaking to me."
Me: "Were you about to call me an asshole?"
Jeff: "Sir, I will hang up if you use profanity once more."
Me: "You best unf**k yourself or I will unscrew your head and sh1t down your neck!"
(hangs up)

This is the soundboard I used.

Mcdonalds prank call+ Borat sound bored = 3 people pissing their pants....and one pair of peed panties....